{"id":1595,"date":"2014-02-04T23:21:00","date_gmt":"2014-02-04T22:21:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/silta.es\/juantatay\/2014\/02\/04\/letting-go-of-judging-people\/"},"modified":"2014-02-04T23:21:00","modified_gmt":"2014-02-04T22:21:00","slug":"letting-go-of-judging-people","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/silta.es\/juantatay\/letting-go-of-judging-people\/","title":{"rendered":"Letting go of judging people"},"content":{"rendered":"

En zen habits<\/a><\/p>\n

Only when you let go of the judgment that has arisen, and come to a place of acceptance and curiosity and empathy, can you really help. \u2026 <\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Let\u2019s take a fake but typical example so I can show you what I mean (I\u2019m going to bold the symptoms, so forgive the overemphasis): I see a relative who is actively harming her health, who is overweight and diabetic and yet smokes and eats junk food all the time and does other bad things. I know she can make her health better by changing her habits. I judge her for what she\u2019s doing, think badly of her, get frustrated with her, dismiss her because she\u2019s not worthy of my frustration. This kind of thing happens with me and lots of other people all the time \u2014 just change the details to spouse, co-worker, kid, friend and instead of unhealthy things, they\u2019re doing something else you don\u2019t like.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

What\u2019s going on in this example? Well, first, I\u2019m ignorant of what she\u2019s going through and I don\u2019t understand the situation<\/b>. She\u2019s been depressed because of her health problems, feeling guilty, feeling stuck, feeling scared, untrusting of herself. Because of these bad feelings, she doesn\u2019t like to think about health, and makes herself feel better through smoking and comfort food. She\u2019s just trying to be happy. And in fact, I do the same kinds of things all the time \u2014 I fail. I feel bad. I comfort myself. So I\u2019m not superior<\/b>, even if I think I am. <\/p><\/blockquote>\n

What\u2019s more, I\u2019m not being grateful<\/b> for the great person she is, despite her health problems. She\u2019s wonderful. By focusing on judging her, I\u2019m not appreciating that. Instead, I\u2019m being self-centered<\/b> by focusing on how much better I am, how she\u2019s frustrating me, how my frustration is more important than any pain she\u2019s feeling. I\u2019m not being curious<\/b> about who she is, what she\u2019s going through and why \u2026 instead I have made a judgment and that stops all inquiry. And from this place of judgment, I can\u2019t help<\/b> because I have closed off dialog, and have written her off. <\/p><\/blockquote>\n

You can see how all of these things are harmful. They make me frustrated and unhappy, they harm my relationship with this lovely person, they stop communication and learning, they don\u2019t allow me to help alleviate suffering, they close me off to what she has to offer me. Among other harms.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

En zen habits Only when you let go of the judgment that has arisen, and come to a place of acceptance and curiosity and empathy, can you really help. \u2026  Let\u2019s take a fake but typical example so I can show you what I mean (I\u2019m going to bold the symptoms, so forgive the overemphasis): […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[43,48,40,42],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1595","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-coaching","category-filosofia","category-ideas","category-psicologia"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack-related-posts":[],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/silta.es\/juantatay\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1595","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/silta.es\/juantatay\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/silta.es\/juantatay\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/silta.es\/juantatay\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/silta.es\/juantatay\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1595"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/silta.es\/juantatay\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1595\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/silta.es\/juantatay\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1595"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/silta.es\/juantatay\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1595"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/silta.es\/juantatay\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1595"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}